Kimmel Jokes Trump’s Romantic Fundraiser Message Makes Him ‘St Valen-Crime’ | Video

Jimmy Kimmel celebrated Valentine’s Day during his monologue on Wednesday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” but he didn’t celebrate the Valentine’s Day fundraising message Donald Trump made.

The multiply indicted ex-president, Kimmel joked, is “St. Valen-Crime” for using a Valentine’s Day message to fundraise for his legal defense fund.

Before that, Kimmel talked a bit about dating services and matchmaking services, and of course about the Valentine’s Day messages other political figures have made. You can watch the whole monologue at the top of the page right now.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, it is Valentine’s Day. If you weren’t aware, probably why your wife has been mad all day not saying anything. I want to extend a special welcome to those of you who are making love right now with the TV on,” Kimmel said as he kicked his monologue off. “We see you.”

“And to those making love in our studio audience, St. Valentine was the patron saint of — I don’t know — trying to convince your loved ones to do weird things in bed? Its… nobody really knows,” Kimmel continued.

Kimmel brought up the fact that in 2024, Valentine’s Day coincides with Ash Wednesday, joking, “I accidentally gave my priest chocolates and lingerie.”

Then he brought up dating.

“Over the last ten or 15 years, single men and single women have been using dating apps and websites to find love. But lately, number of Americans are going back to a very old-fashioned way of finding dates: With a matchmaker, and there are a bunch of matchmaker TV shows,” he said.

“There’s Jewish Matchmaking. There’s Indian Matchmaking. There’s Love Match Atlanta. There’s Millionaire Matchmaker. There’s Million Dollar Matchmaker. These are all people, the matchmakers are people you pay to find you a mate,” Kimmel said. “They used to be called ‘pimps.’”

After some more jokes along these lines, including some material about so-called AI dating, Kimmel brought American politics into the monologue.

“Our first Lady got in the Valentine’s Day spirit this morning. She posted a photo of giant cards and candy hearts on the White House lawn. When her husband saw it, he yelled ‘Honey! I think the Al Qaedas shrunk me down to pocket size,” Kimmel joked, adding, “That’s my Joe Biden impersonation. Thank you, been working on it.”

“President Biden posted a Valentine’s Day message for his wife. He wrote ‘Jilly, you’re the love of my life and the life of my love.’ Which is… sweet? But also sounds like the riddle a troll would force you to solve to be allowed to cross the bridge,” Kimmel said.

“President Obama, he always does things right, he wrote, ‘How did I get so lucky? Happy Valentine’s Day to my best friend @Michele Obama,” Which is how he got to bring up Trump.

“And you know what? Even Donald Trump posted a romantic message today! He wrote, ‘Biden is not too old, he’s too incompetent. That’s as close as he gets to telling somebody he loves them. The truth is, the closest Trump got to a Valentine today was an email, they sent to his -supporters… that is amazing and its real,” Kimmel explained.

Joking that the email in question, addressed to his wife Melania, “looks like a ransom letter. Which I guess is fitting, given Melania’s current situation,” he read the letter.

“‘Dear Melania, I LOVE YOU! Even after every single INDICTMENT, ARREST, and WITCH HUNT, you never left my side,” Kimmel read. “I think that’s a line from The Notebook, isn’t it? ‘I wouldn’t be the man I am today without your guidance, kindness, and warmth.’”

“Oh, don’t blame her for what happened to you,” Kimmel cracked.

“Then there’s a little box where you can leave a message for Melania. It says, ‘we want 100,000 responses now! And of course, there’s a button to make a donation to St Valen-Crime’s legal defense fund,” Kimmel said. “What a lovely and romantic gesture.”

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